A Year of Life Lessons

So since I last blogged I've had 906 page views.  906!  I'm so sorry to those 906 people.  Mostly because I haven't had anything on here in so, so long.  Everyone told me to work on the blog before my son arrived, and they were right.  A lot has changed since that last entry.  I was gifted with a Little Guy.  A Little Guy is a perfect little person in the form of a rough and tumble boy with dark curly hair and blue eyes, and the sweetest disposition to ever grace the Earth.  Little Guy loves music and laughter, dogs, kisses, tickles, basketball and ballet.

Since then - November 2013 - I learned that maternity leave is, in fact, too short, and breastfeeding is no joke.  I learned about Day Care and Mom Guilt.  I have learned that you can't baby your baby and your dogs equally, no matter how hard you try or how much you love your dog-babies.  I have also learned that DogMom Guilt is no joke, either.

I learned that my career really didn't stack up to mean as much as it once did, and I learned that I could, in fact, be a stereotype and own it, realizing that I am who I am - changing my mind is nothing to be ashamed of, even if I contradict my 20s self in so many ways.  I am still me.  No, you older people who said I would see are still wrong - I did not become what you said I would.  I did change.  We, as people, are meant to do that, you know.

I learned that being good at a job really depends on where the job is, not just what it is, and that word that we recruiters throw around all the time - "fit" - weighs a lot more than I thought it did.  I learned about struggle and sadness.

I learned about depression, postpartum and otherwise, and what it's like when you've been so sad about something for so long that it actually messes with your brain, and low becomes the new normal - so much so that you can't imagine anything higher, and mediocre days can feel like pieces of perfect and you find yourself crying with relief over a decent parking space or something.  I learned how easy it was to shut everyone out.  I learned that if you go long enough without doing the things you love you forgot how to do them.  I learned that your friends, if they truly love you, won't let you forget how to be their friends or who you are, and when you finally emerge from that darkness and you start to remember who you were when the world crashed down around you, they will be there, with your amazing spouse, and your perfect child, and you can all start living again together.

So that's my year, I guess.  My doctor's note:  Please excuse Lisa from life - she just wasn't up to it for a while.

Not to say there wasn't joy.  I found joy in my tiny family and their unstoppable, unconditional love.  I found joy in the new lives of my friends' children as they arrived, in new relationships (one that is turning into marriage in less than a month!!), and in a new job, one that allows me ten additional hours with Little Guy a week.  TEN HOURS.  That, my friends, is Heaven itself.  If you don't think so, you simply haven't met my child.  :)

And, there was cooking.  I didn't find the same joy or connection in it that I thought I would...or perhaps there was too much connection.  Either way, I look back at the few and far between moments and grumble that I didn't get pictures when I should have.  You guys, I actually made both a Blueberry Pie and a Coconut Cream Pie for Christmas and the husband's birthday (one for each, not both for both).  I made pie and my father-in-law devoured it!  It was my first pie and it got the Taylor stamp of approval!  And the second one?  Y'all, I actually toasted coconut.  Personally.  I made Fancy cookies for Christmas, beef stroganoff, balsamic pork chops, and Pecan Pie Bars, and my stepmother made some really incredible gravy at Thanksgiving.  I don't do gravy and I loved it.  OH!  And we made veggie pumpkin lasagna for my fantastic and vegetarian sister who says that being veggie is healthy except for how much she loves cheese.  Below are a couple pics, but I suppose I'll just have to make these things again and share the recipes at that point.

See?  Fancy.  You already know.

It was as good as it looks - I think, in the history of my cooking, I'm the most proud of making this pie